so much to catch up on! so i'm going to do a quick debrief, categorize my life, then do longer posts.
April - went to FL and TX for awesome weddings; got aggravating immunizations; met Meri Jaan in AZ and hung out with the sibling; worked my ass off during finals; became a half master;
May - packed up my life and put in the basement; travelled with 2 checked bags, a carry-on and backpack for 4 months; kicked off summer with an epic boat day in the MIA; travelled 20+ hours with Meri Jaan for an engagement party in Belize; kicked it in K-Zoo with mother and Meri Jaan for our engagement katha (live streamed in two countries, no less); went to Chi-town for (more) wedding fun; moved to Grenada for 11 weeks;
June - started working at the Grenadian Ministry of Social Development (developing programming for local DV shelter); endless wedding planning;
since i've got so much to unpack, i'll use the following (self explanatory) tags
- shaadi musings
- grenada musings
- public health musings
the tags will likely be updated as summer progresses! ...and hopefully i can keep up the blogging
Saturday, June 6, 2015
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
what is going on???
man. everyone has opinions here, feels entitled to and righteous about those opinions. moreover entitled to share them, even when they are patently false. then media, operating under the guise of news, decides to sensationalize irrational pieces from emotional people who are not in an appropriate state of mind or awareness or even have factual basis. especially given the complex healthcare machine that has resulted from the ethos of the country. and all the horseradish is perpetuated through social media. piss off.
what is up with the mistrust of agencies designed to project? no they are not flawless, however being critical requires thinking about ALL policies not just those we disagree with.
what is up with patient entitlement?? no, you don't always know best! or better than people who have extensively studied how to treat your disease? doctors aren't always right, they aren't always free of biases, but generally their actions are thought out, and probably more so than someone who perceives unfair or inadequate treatment without disclosing specific details and doing appropriate discourse on why they received a particular plan of care.
what is the point of going to someone for care then undermining their efforts with chronic and public mistrust?
what is up with the physician hate?
man.
rant.out.
Saturday, October 4, 2014
tonight
tonight i feel disconnected. i have not found a single formal caribbean student organization at the university. i am disappointed ---i simply cannot be the only one.
much less likely is a graduate student presence for either caribbean descended or work related interest groups.
on more than one occasion i have been told "you're probably going to have to identify with either the Latino student organization, or the African /African American student organizations" ... well ... i am neither.
my other thought for the night has been sparked a few things ... conversation around the new york times article on Shonda Rhimes (and responses)... emma watson's UN speech on feminism ... and the barrage of carnival related pictures, videos and posts on my ever informative facebook feed.
again, i do not stand on a moral soapbox. i am simply reflecting, hopefully in a culturally humble, inoffensive, unbiased manner.
within each identity (ethnic minority, female gendered) are great inequities. it is easy to feel them, be cognizant. but at what point are we obligated, if ever, to take a stance through action? conversation is wonderful, but stagnant inaction results in perpetuation.
when in a position of prominence and power, are we obligated to take a stance? to be that leader for whatever community may identify with us? is that placing an unfair burden in an already burdensome situation fraught with the sheer stress associated with finding yourself there -in power, fighting the powers around you, to assert yourself as competent and strong, but understanding and flexible? no, it shouldn't be your burden alone to address or attempt to change.
being marginalised, advocating for something, --we can be typecast. while it is not our problem to solve, we become bound to the perceptions others have of us and our work. can we ever extricate ourselves from the big picture associated with us? can we facilitate (or force) changes in perception? are we then limited to work in the confines of that identity, because no matter what we do we are restricted?
as women, we should stand up for women. she for she. but that times article was just ... she for herself.
how do we stimulate broader conversations on race, ethnicity and the stereotypes?
much less likely is a graduate student presence for either caribbean descended or work related interest groups.
on more than one occasion i have been told "you're probably going to have to identify with either the Latino student organization, or the African /African American student organizations" ... well ... i am neither.
my other thought for the night has been sparked a few things ... conversation around the new york times article on Shonda Rhimes (and responses)... emma watson's UN speech on feminism ... and the barrage of carnival related pictures, videos and posts on my ever informative facebook feed.
again, i do not stand on a moral soapbox. i am simply reflecting, hopefully in a culturally humble, inoffensive, unbiased manner.
within each identity (ethnic minority, female gendered) are great inequities. it is easy to feel them, be cognizant. but at what point are we obligated, if ever, to take a stance through action? conversation is wonderful, but stagnant inaction results in perpetuation.
when in a position of prominence and power, are we obligated to take a stance? to be that leader for whatever community may identify with us? is that placing an unfair burden in an already burdensome situation fraught with the sheer stress associated with finding yourself there -in power, fighting the powers around you, to assert yourself as competent and strong, but understanding and flexible? no, it shouldn't be your burden alone to address or attempt to change.
being marginalised, advocating for something, --we can be typecast. while it is not our problem to solve, we become bound to the perceptions others have of us and our work. can we ever extricate ourselves from the big picture associated with us? can we facilitate (or force) changes in perception? are we then limited to work in the confines of that identity, because no matter what we do we are restricted?
as women, we should stand up for women. she for she. but that times article was just ... she for herself.
how do we stimulate broader conversations on race, ethnicity and the stereotypes?
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Happy "Independence" Day
i don't stand on a moral soap box, or sit on a high horse. frankly even if i tried, i wouldn't be a foot off the ground. and i certainly don't take to social media to air my personal opinions. but tonight is a little different.
today is Belize's Independence Day, and i want to sing the Land of the Free --but we are not free.
and so my heart aches.
for the often innocent bystanders, viciously sucked by gang related violence into what we tell ourselves is a better place.
for the hard working people living in fear for their safety. who by virtue of where they live are in physical danger.
for the people at risk of any number of other very real dangers, through absolutely no fault of their own but by mere circumstance ---by virtue of their sex, gender, class, race, sexual orientation, educational attainment, physical ability, you name it.
four years ago on my second trip back to belize, sometime after midnight, i walked with a friend towards the former princess hotel and casino. we heard gunshots and from the corner of my eye a flash of light to go with it. and through an alcohol-induced fog, my fight or flight never kicked in. it wasn't until monday night news that i realized a chainlink fence and some bushes separated me from a crime scene.
it is courtesy of immense privilege that i can reflect on that, and know i am fortunate to only have such brief touches of violence in my life.
and so too can anyone reading this post claim privilege. neither challenges nor strife preclude privilege. cellphones, tablets, internet access, electricity, literacy. a freaking place to put your head at night. privileges that i know i take for granted, but remind myself of every morning --i wake up knowing i am safe, that i have food in my fridge, that i have the physical ability to get up and work, that i have the intellectual capacity to attend an incredible institution of higher learning.
so yes. i have the privilege of sitting in the quiet, warm, safe confines of my apartment in one of the most intelligent cities in the US ------as sister city to Belize, no less.
but i sit here. saddened. frustrated. disappointed. by last week's events. i don't think i have the right to claim grief over the passing of someone i shared a classroom with for almost ten years, but didn't speak with very often in the last 10. i feel that would be a disservice to the good man it seems he became but i did not know. it doesn't mean it doesn't hurts, so i grieve for the boy i once knew and the man i will never have the fortune of knowing.
violence is not the only measure of inequity in our 8800 square miles.
access to questionable healthcare, or no access at all. access for the few wealthy that can afford it, or middle class who struggle to make healthcare an option for their loved ones. where people don't know how to take care of their hypertension, or diabetes. healthy food for those who can buy it and those who have been taught the importance of a balanced diet, in a culture where fresh vegetables are not a staple but red meat and carbohydrates are. where we drink entirely too much, too often, and start too young. where some people don't have electricity, or access to clean water. or decent roads or transportation to facilitate their hour long commutes to cities where they can eke out a living. where some women (read:girls) become wives and mothers before the age of 14. where so many people are not able to lead safe, healthy, productive lives.
i don't need to look very far into my past or my life to be reminded that it is not a matter of choice for everyone. some of us simply cannot do what we do not know. some of us cannot do because we have no support around us, no hope of being different, no conception that different or better can exist.
i struggle every day with public health. because i just don't know how much i can take home to belize, what good i could do. i will not be a policy maker, and so much of what we need revolves around flawed policy and big ol' systems based issues. i just want to be able to go home, talk to the people around the corner, and figure out how i can do some good in this world. because i'm lucky that i can even conceptualize any of this, much less have the stroke of fortune to start a degree that will give me some of the skills i'll need.
i am a mercy girl, with good old jesuit teachings to top it off, and true to that i just want to live a life in service to others. but i wish i had the courage, the audacity, to say that i'll be able to go home and find my niche and be of service to others. but i don't have that courage just yet to live or work in belize. where technology has infiltrated so thoroughly, yet progress lags behind. where we have more guns, and drugs, and corruption than we should.
i do not stand on a soapbox. or sit on a horse. and i hope never to do so. but i hope to look at life through the lens of objectivity and cultural humility.
so yes, i could extol her virtues, this little country of mine that i hold so dear. that truly i love. that has helped shape me into the woman i am. but tonight, i cannot swallow the lump in my throat or put aside the heaviness in my heart.
i want to sing the Land of the Free. but i can't remember the words. or maybe i don't want to, because tonight, i just don't believe it.
today is Belize's Independence Day, and i want to sing the Land of the Free --but we are not free.
and so my heart aches.
for the often innocent bystanders, viciously sucked by gang related violence into what we tell ourselves is a better place.
for the hard working people living in fear for their safety. who by virtue of where they live are in physical danger.
for the people at risk of any number of other very real dangers, through absolutely no fault of their own but by mere circumstance ---by virtue of their sex, gender, class, race, sexual orientation, educational attainment, physical ability, you name it.
four years ago on my second trip back to belize, sometime after midnight, i walked with a friend towards the former princess hotel and casino. we heard gunshots and from the corner of my eye a flash of light to go with it. and through an alcohol-induced fog, my fight or flight never kicked in. it wasn't until monday night news that i realized a chainlink fence and some bushes separated me from a crime scene.
it is courtesy of immense privilege that i can reflect on that, and know i am fortunate to only have such brief touches of violence in my life.
and so too can anyone reading this post claim privilege. neither challenges nor strife preclude privilege. cellphones, tablets, internet access, electricity, literacy. a freaking place to put your head at night. privileges that i know i take for granted, but remind myself of every morning --i wake up knowing i am safe, that i have food in my fridge, that i have the physical ability to get up and work, that i have the intellectual capacity to attend an incredible institution of higher learning.
so yes. i have the privilege of sitting in the quiet, warm, safe confines of my apartment in one of the most intelligent cities in the US ------as sister city to Belize, no less.
but i sit here. saddened. frustrated. disappointed. by last week's events. i don't think i have the right to claim grief over the passing of someone i shared a classroom with for almost ten years, but didn't speak with very often in the last 10. i feel that would be a disservice to the good man it seems he became but i did not know. it doesn't mean it doesn't hurts, so i grieve for the boy i once knew and the man i will never have the fortune of knowing.
violence is not the only measure of inequity in our 8800 square miles.
access to questionable healthcare, or no access at all. access for the few wealthy that can afford it, or middle class who struggle to make healthcare an option for their loved ones. where people don't know how to take care of their hypertension, or diabetes. healthy food for those who can buy it and those who have been taught the importance of a balanced diet, in a culture where fresh vegetables are not a staple but red meat and carbohydrates are. where we drink entirely too much, too often, and start too young. where some people don't have electricity, or access to clean water. or decent roads or transportation to facilitate their hour long commutes to cities where they can eke out a living. where some women (read:girls) become wives and mothers before the age of 14. where so many people are not able to lead safe, healthy, productive lives.
i don't need to look very far into my past or my life to be reminded that it is not a matter of choice for everyone. some of us simply cannot do what we do not know. some of us cannot do because we have no support around us, no hope of being different, no conception that different or better can exist.
i struggle every day with public health. because i just don't know how much i can take home to belize, what good i could do. i will not be a policy maker, and so much of what we need revolves around flawed policy and big ol' systems based issues. i just want to be able to go home, talk to the people around the corner, and figure out how i can do some good in this world. because i'm lucky that i can even conceptualize any of this, much less have the stroke of fortune to start a degree that will give me some of the skills i'll need.
i am a mercy girl, with good old jesuit teachings to top it off, and true to that i just want to live a life in service to others. but i wish i had the courage, the audacity, to say that i'll be able to go home and find my niche and be of service to others. but i don't have that courage just yet to live or work in belize. where technology has infiltrated so thoroughly, yet progress lags behind. where we have more guns, and drugs, and corruption than we should.
i do not stand on a soapbox. or sit on a horse. and i hope never to do so. but i hope to look at life through the lens of objectivity and cultural humility.
so yes, i could extol her virtues, this little country of mine that i hold so dear. that truly i love. that has helped shape me into the woman i am. but tonight, i cannot swallow the lump in my throat or put aside the heaviness in my heart.
i want to sing the Land of the Free. but i can't remember the words. or maybe i don't want to, because tonight, i just don't believe it.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
anēkāntavāda
Tonight I read some more of Kim. And thought I should read about Jainism. anēkāntavāda.
One of the most important and fundamental doctrines of Jainism is anēkāntavāda. It refers to the principles of pluralism and multiplicity of viewpoints, and to the notion that truth and reality are perceived differently from diverse points of view, no single one of which is complete.[20][21]
Jains contrast all attempts to proclaim absolute truth with this theory, which can be illustrated through the parable of the blind men and an elephant. In this story, each blind man feels a different part of an elephant: its trunk, leg, ear, and so on. All of them claim to understand and explain the true appearance of the elephant but, due to their limited perspectives, can only partly succeed.[22] This principle is more formally stated by observing that objects are infinite in their qualities and modes of existence, so they cannot be completely grasped in all aspects and manifestations by finite human perception. Only Kevalins—omniscient beings—can comprehend objects in all aspects and manifestations; others are only capable of partial knowledge.[23] Accordingly, no single, specific, human view can claim to represent absolute truth.[20]
Anekāntavāda encourages its adherents to consider the views and beliefs of their rivals and opposing parties. Proponents of anekāntavāda apply this principle to religions and philosophies, reminding themselves that any of these—even Jainism—that clings too dogmatically to its own tenets is committing an error based on its limited point of view.[24] The principle of anekāntavāda also influenced Mohandas Gandhi to adopt principles of religious tolerance, ahiṃsāand satyagraha.[25]
Monday, May 12, 2014
to blog or not to blog v2
i started writing this post. i realized it got personal. i should probably ask the boy for his consent before i post something public.
the short is that i've been reading blogs by white girls with brown boys.
do i start my own to join the ranks? or will reading be enough.
the short is that i've been reading blogs by white girls with brown boys.
do i start my own to join the ranks? or will reading be enough.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Post 1
After many moons, I decided to repurpose my blog. As is fitting since I'm not who I was when I started.
The years have found me with a bachelor's degree followed by full time work at one of the largest academic medical centers / county hospital system in the US. I've been exposed to a range of amazing physician and administrative mentors, a medical specialty that greatly suits what I believe my life goals to be, as well as innumerable side projects and endeavors. Now I have not only a national network of colleagues and peers but a spectacular group of individuals that has long eclipsed the role of friends to become my extended family. I have been afforded the privilege to spread my wings. And, in a few months, will be flying to my next step.
A Master's in Public Health! Yay!
While I think my family may be confused (and or concerned), it's not so much a detour as a lovely transition into med school -which remains on the plate. That said, I can easily see myself becoming enamored with public health and taking a few years to explore the (vast) good that could be done.
The entire (overwhelming) application process, and subsequent (limited) decision making process, has forced me to not only think in abstracts but also verbalize, to commit on (virtual) paper, the when where why and how of what I want to do with my life.
It has forced me to question my personal ideals and goals.
It has forced me to be realistic about my capabilities.
I have questioned myself, my peers, value systems, medical systems, political systems, healthcare systems.
So, with equal parts excitement and sheer terror, in a few months I relocate! And with open arms I embrace the opportunity to learn everything that I can. The opportunity to be inspired by others. To collaborate on projects -not just for my personal agendas, but to be a part of theirs too. To continue understanding and redefining myself, what I hope to accomplish for my home and for every community I exist in, where I hope to be in ten years, and the journey there.
Onwards, and upwards. Always.
The years have found me with a bachelor's degree followed by full time work at one of the largest academic medical centers / county hospital system in the US. I've been exposed to a range of amazing physician and administrative mentors, a medical specialty that greatly suits what I believe my life goals to be, as well as innumerable side projects and endeavors. Now I have not only a national network of colleagues and peers but a spectacular group of individuals that has long eclipsed the role of friends to become my extended family. I have been afforded the privilege to spread my wings. And, in a few months, will be flying to my next step.
A Master's in Public Health! Yay!
While I think my family may be confused (and or concerned), it's not so much a detour as a lovely transition into med school -which remains on the plate. That said, I can easily see myself becoming enamored with public health and taking a few years to explore the (vast) good that could be done.
The entire (overwhelming) application process, and subsequent (limited) decision making process, has forced me to not only think in abstracts but also verbalize, to commit on (virtual) paper, the when where why and how of what I want to do with my life.
It has forced me to question my personal ideals and goals.
It has forced me to be realistic about my capabilities.
I have questioned myself, my peers, value systems, medical systems, political systems, healthcare systems.
So, with equal parts excitement and sheer terror, in a few months I relocate! And with open arms I embrace the opportunity to learn everything that I can. The opportunity to be inspired by others. To collaborate on projects -not just for my personal agendas, but to be a part of theirs too. To continue understanding and redefining myself, what I hope to accomplish for my home and for every community I exist in, where I hope to be in ten years, and the journey there.
Onwards, and upwards. Always.
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